Our sad little lives, your comic relief.


Um. I think I'm empty now.
- SarahNicole

Claris: so now I have to figure out NEW electives.
Ozlady: Take drama ;-)
Claris: Please. I'm a Bronzer. Like I need someone else to teach me drama at this point? *g*

Tomorrow, I must arrive early, or as my boss calls it: "on time." Sigh.
- Closet Buffyholic

I am an American. As such, I am almost totally ignorant about everything that happens everywhere except America. So I need some of you European sorts to give me information about the world outside our borders.
- Sam

I don't think they've done anything that specifically violated any of the rules there. Unless there's a rule against "being an arsehole".
If there isn't, there damn well should be.

- nails

When you can take a position regarding the character Spike, such that the Spike lovers and Spike haters agree you're more obnoxious than anything in recent memory? You're not a bezoar, my friends. You're like some kind of anti-Jedi.
- Xanderella

I have written a complaint email. I think though, that I shoulda had Anya write it, cause it was way too polite.
- Angelgazer

I have nothing much to say today except that how come sons of OUR ex-leaders are never caught instigating a coup d'etat? Because that's some prime scandal, I'm telling you.
- Closet Buffyholic
Puleeze. Like the Bush twins are smart enough to overthrow anything but a kegger. *snerk*
- amberlynne

To the guy in the gym with spandex shorts whose side panels were mesh....
1983 called. Normally, they'd leave the msg that they want their fashion back, but they wanted you to know they're so ashamed of that one that it's okay if you keep it, as long as you don't let anyone know you got it from them.

- Claris

Claris: because he's your friend & it's more amusing for him this way. der.
Sam: I am gonna shoot his head with my foot.

Not every comic in the world has Wolverine in it. It just seems like it.
- kenickie

Okay, that's the optimist worst case scenario. Pessimist worst case sceanrio has you shootin' crack on Hollywood and Vine wearing two different high heels singing 'i'm a little teapot' for cash.
- Megdalen

I would have asked him directly what the heck it was, but I didn't want to make eye contact lest I be assimilated into the collective.
- Closet Buffyholic

i wanted to wrap up the mall and bring it home with me, but Allyson assured me it would just get peed on in l.a.
- Polgara

It now and then occurs to me that some of my friends are lacking in restraint.
- Sam

Amaranth: we are so a product of the tachnology age
Amaranth: rather technology
Claris: *snerk* see, you didn't have a spellcheck there, that's the problem.
Amaranth: spellcheck on AIM?
Amaranth: OH! nevermind i get it.
Amaranth: referencing the above.
Claris: So when I *snerk*, you're gonna understand that, right?

I would take your thanks, but it was purely for selfish reasons, as they were driving me up the walls. It was either feed them or beat them, and frankly, I needed to conserve my energy.
Oh, and of course, you don't want me beating the cats.*g*

- godeater

So I will MUM THE WORD. There. The word is now completely mum.
- Megdalen

Coworker attorney's newborn baby girl pictures arrived via email. She's so tiny! He says so far all she does is sleep, eat, cry, and poop. So, pretty much it's just like owning my dog, only his daughter probably doesn't try to eat the neighbor kids when she encounters them.
- Closet Buffyholic

Don't spread that last bit around, they'll revoke my nerd membership card.
- Sam

Welcome to the club. Your special hat will be ready in about a week.
- Chrissy

Well, I, for one, have been incited to neither anxiety, nor apathy, but rather, mockery. And hostility. And typing. Oh yes, typing! Because the typewriter is mightier than the sword! Especially when you need a blunt instrument to throw at your TV when Tom Ridge's ugly mug comes on.
- Jaan quiddam

I tell ya - I just ain't gettin' my fair share out of life. Where is my Moorish palace? Where are my dancing girls? Why do I have to feed myself my own damn grapes!? Very frustrating. I damn well better win the lottery after this.
- Tamerlane

Okay, 'nuff of that. *smooch* WHERE ARE YOU REGISTERED!?!? Don't tell me and I will send you something you DON'T want, like pictures of your in-laws in the nude. ;-)
- OzLady

No one likes a smug concierge. Except perhaps the French, I dunno.
- Godeater

Lawgeekers on my friends list... can I sue someone for being annoying and stupid? Cause I want to.
- KitCat

Have you microchipped Zoey yet? I think Coco needs a chip. That way if she ever gets lost someone can you know, take her into a grocery store and run her over the scanner or something.
- Closet Buffyholic

I think the fact that this guy thinks he's going to impress Bronzers or Betaers by using math proves he has no idea what kind of people he's dealing with.
- DarkLady

erm... ok, so there I am thinking of a way to mock all this math geeky shit, and then I realise that while I'm typing, I'm watching a documentary on the geological make up of Saturns moons.
Pot, kettle, equal proportions of primary pigments mixed together resulting in in low light reflectivity

- TMorel

When Jimmy Carter is slapping you around, dude, you fucked up.
- DarkLady

i learned yesterday that i am also in charge of canada. it was told to me in an off-handed way, "oh, by the way, you also have responsibility to canada. don't freak out. it'll be fine." no one has bothered to tell me what, exactly, i am supposed to do with canada. and today i had to do some math for mexico, even though i am not technically in charge of worldwide, except that sometimes i am.
- willa

Ozlady : Meh. I have a headache. And I have yet to come up with a viable plan for this evening
Claris : what's suppposed to be going on this evening?
Ozlady : We are going to see Barry Manilow. I have to figure out how to get us into the Fleet without being at the mercy of the commuter train AND find a family-friendly place for dinner
Ozlady : I think our best bet really MAY be to just drive in and park at Faneuil Hall
Ozlady : And have dinner there
Claris : ah....you're braver than me. The train & the restaurant don't daunt me - it's Barry...::sigh::eyelashflutter::BARYY!
::duck & cover::
Claris : that joke would have been way funnier if I'd spelled "Barry" correctly, huh?

It's not that I'm cheap, it's just that...hey! my ruler's missing!
- Anya on the phone at work.

I wish this case had gone ahead and been prosecuted so we could get a ruling once and for all on the harmful nature of vibrators to the good women of Texas. Damnit, I'm going to have to go out and get caught selling vibrators so I can be a test case.
- 'stina

I was listening to "White Rabbit" by Jefferson Airplane on the way in to work today. You know, I think that song may actually be about drug use.

- Sam
Drug use? In the 70s? No way!
- Robyn

so no sanity points awarded to crazy ass, and may god have mercy on her soul
- eiddy

I saw no cows between Illinois and Missouri. I suspect they all left Illinois because the daylight savings time confused them.
- Closet Buffyholic

It has been suggested to me that if I post my new address, people will send me things. Since I am chock full of avarice, here goes...
- Sam

OzLady:It's not like they swipe a security wand and red lights start flashing and a computerized voice starts shouting, "Warning! Virgin! Virgin! Step away from the hymen!" *snicker*
Claris: *laughter*
OzLady: And GO ME! no WAY you can include that in ND quotes! HAHAHAHA! *throws hands in the air* I win!!!
Claris: wanna bet?
"OzLady" signed off at 12:39:13 PM.
Claris: well then, ain't that one gonna be a surprise...

Anya: Still there?
Anya: Bueller?
Anya: *sigh* You're off doing something more interesting, aren't you?
Anya: Or it's a trap. You want me to spam your IM until I say something worthy of quoting.

Well, it won't work.
Not gonna happen.
I can be as boring as mud.
Mind you, "mud" is also a phrase used when making some interesting pottery... if you've any talent. Which I don't. So, see? Boring.
Ennui... wait. That means stupid. Never mind.

I'm going away now.

It was like finding $50 of Canadian money in my panties, I swear to Goddess.
- Amberlynne

Claris: But yes. I figure either spanish or Japanese. Anya's cheering for Italian, 'cause acc. to her it'll be helpful to her when we go to Europe if I speak italian. Because, you know, my academic choices are all about HER
OzLady: I think your academic choices should be about what gets you laid. So, I'm siding with Anya on the Italian

apparently I cannot sue Adam for indecent exposure, because we are married.
Where's the justice? What if someday I'm offended by his exposure? Where are my frivolous lawsuit rights?

- Robyn
Just be glad you can't sue him in small claims court *snicker*
- OzLady

Dear Spammers: If that miracle enlarging, enhancing, go all night drug is so wonderful, why are you sitting at a computer sending me mail? Shouldn't you be otherwise occupied with those hot underage farm girls and desperate wives cheating on their husbands?
- Little Sister

I'm supposed to be having my roaring 20's right now! Drugs! drinking! Wild, irresponsible sex! But no! Instead, I've just gotten clearance for overtime! That's NOT A FAIR TRADE!
- Claris

Claris : here. This is worlds colliding for you :
Hobbits for Bush.
amberlynne : oh look. all 7 of them.

So, as I say, 45 minutes to travel two streets. And the first time I've ever physically beaten a navigation aid because of its utter, utter uselessness.
Next time, we are taking the train.

- Catriona

I was going to go with William Shatner is brilliant. But I'm still not sure I can bring myself to say that.
- Lovely Poet's dad

This is particularly good because I'm wicked-broke right now, and didn't really want to have to choose between debt and my health (is that what it feels like to be American?).
- Chrissy

I'm sitting here, finding Simon Camden hot.
Clearly this is hell.

- KitCat

The carpet in my cubical looks like a gay disco. So the dress? She is being returned.
- Amberlynne

Seriously, if the US was going to keep Cat Stevens out of the country for some reason, it should have been because he let Mandy Moore cover "Moonshadow."
- Closet Buffyholic

I just KNOW you want to turn your thoughts on the debate into a tmb.net article...
- Chrissy
Actually, I was hoping to turn those thoughts into the ability to shoot lighting bolts out of my eyes.
- Jaan Quiddam

Cheney's just...he's gonna reveal himself to be Sauron and eat babies on stage!! I know it!
- Closet Buffyholic
Hold on, I had the file open anyway and I'm so typing that one...
- Claris

Note to my liver: Baby, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it. I promise, it will never happen again. Please don't leave me.
- Chrissy
You're such a liar.
Don't make promises to your poor liver that you cannot, or have no intention of keeping.

- angelgazer

TMorel : nice enough kid, it's just he has a distructive streak, and I just would like to see him blow up the ex's new appartment.... you've gotta encourage a childs interests....
Claris : you do. or, you could get him some powdered potassium & encourage him to go take a bath. it's not YOUR fault if he takes his prezzie to the tub with him, now is it?
TMorel : you have a really cruel and nasty side to you.
it's no wonder we all worship you
Claris : what, no one else paid attention during chem?
TMorel : no - was too busy putting the flames out
Claris : and on that note, the uniqueness that is me is going to go negotiate the highways of Los Angeles, so I leave you with the same warning I give my dog when i leave the house every morning - be good & don't blow anythign up while I'm gone.
TMorel : or pee on the rug
Claris : she doesn't do that anymore - why, is that an issue for you? *g*
TMorel : ahem
I'm drunk ok. not my fault

And while my work doesn't really require judgement, it probably should.
- Vanessa

Ah, but you forget that he is a baby killing Devil-worshipper.
- Sam
you say that as if it's a bad thing.
- Closet B

this is what friends are for, to spread the ew.
- Polgara

Sarah wait this isn't a internet dating service? Are you telling me that I've been using all my good lines on you people while elsewhere there are thousands of sexy people who haven't seen the glory, the wonder, the sexy that is me?
- Mr. Whyt
MrWhyt - On the bright side, look at this as a non-threatening venue in which to test your sex god powers.
We never reject.... We just mock.

- Sarah

July 15, 2004