Our sad little lives, your comic relief.










updated....02/15/05

First rule of Sex Club, you don't talk about Sex Club.
- Godeater

surely you can't all be American, Undamaged or The biscuit thief?
- clarrie

Hey, my inbox was just as shocked as yours....
- Melly

Off to find more fun ways to destroy what's left of my sanity!!
- leelu

It's OK, I'm giving up religion for lent.
- AKA Becker
I always give up self sacrifice for lent.
- Closet Buffyholic.

If I had a little more energy, and if we lived in times where it was culturally acceptable to storm upon a person's house carrying torches a la Gaston in Beauty and the Beast, I would so totally be on my local meteorologist's doorstep right now.
- fearlesstemp

You know you're suffering political overload when you're driving down a residential street, see a yard sign and automatically think to yourself "wow, I've never heard of that candidate, I wonder what party they belong to?" and then you realize that in fact, it's a realty company.
- Closet Buffyholic

God DAMN! People here are so much smarter than me. Than I. Than me. Well, I'm pretty much making my point here.
- newfan

I really hate my job some weeks. Usually, 52 weeks. But still.
- Anya

RTBS Not sure where I saw it, I closed the browers down fast in case anybody at work saw me with a WWE/Buffy crossover fic page open. I tabbed over to the farmyard sex page to save my blushes.
- Amish Boy

*bang head on desk* Must * Regain * Brain*

*bang head on desk* Must * Regain * Brain*

*bang head on desk* Must * Regain * Brain*
- Anya

Seriously, dude. I'm not really as smart as I seem. I just type fast and carry a fast browser.
- Melly

Sam: On the other hand, Bush is still going to win.
Claris: shoosh. you're not making me feel better.
you're also reminding me that I need to check out how to get a Canadian work visa.
Sam: You need to drink three bottles of maple syrup in 5 minutes.

These powers are my blessing, but also my curse.
- Sam

friends don't let friends watch top model until at least 4 shots of tequila have been consumed!
- eiddy

So after plugging my project into MS Project this morning, it is my considered professional opinion that I am totally screwed.
- electricland

Last night we debated whether to sign our response to the fuckwits "Now fuck off and die" or "Oh, and fuck you and the horse you rode in on." We went with Sincerely. ;)
- Sarah

I was so stunned, I am sure I sounded like a short-bus special.
- amberlynne

Once you actually go to therapy, you stop being "crazy" & become "pharmaceutically eccentric", which is like regular eccentric, except you're not rich & there's legally prescribed medications involved.
- Claris

you are my special rage hero
- pipesdreams

ha! stupid russians. it's all in the details if you're going to be an evil genius, yo.
- eiddy

Were there any sentences in that? It's hurting me.
- tralf

blah blah your stuff blah blah...the important thing is me!
- Closet Buffyholic

Can we make something else our future? Like puppies? Cuz the children, they just aren't cutting it these days:
- MeeBy

I am proud to say that I broke every single one of those rules, and am a dirty messy whore to boot.
What? It's not like my wedding dress was white. I was proper and wore ivory.
- Sarah Nicole

I guess it's shameful when you find out your religion broke copyright.
- Anya

Who knows. Maybe things will go great this weekend haha I couldn't even keep a straight face in an entirely textual medium on that one.
- Sam

And can I just say, could baseball BE any more boring? Seriously, could they possibly build any more dicking around into the game? For Christ's fucking sake, waiting for something to happen is worse than trying to get something done on the Web using dialup on a laptop.
- newfan

Xanderella: And how is it decided which teams are in the American League and which in the National League?
- Rachie
Rachie First they slaughter the chicken, then they observe its entrails.
- Xanderella

I don't get the reference, but laughed just the same. I'm fairly certain baseball has eaten my brain.
- Xanderella

At one stage in my life I bought a very large alarm clock and put it across the room from my bed so I wouldn't destroy it while whacking it off.
- white wings
Um, it's early, I haven't finished my tea, & I may have read that sentence wrong the first time. I'm just sayin'.
- Claris

The good news is, Ashcroft is gone. The bad news is, they're replacing him with the Marquis de Sade.
- Sam

Heh. I believe that's the kind of personally we'd call a "hosebeast."
- malisita

Hey! I'm not *dis*organized, I'm *differently*organized. Which isn't worse, except for the part where I'm always losing things.
- fearlesstemp

Everybody get out and vote! I myself have voted for Kerry 17 times in 6 swing states already.
- Sam

If I am in meetings or at some interminable dinner in which I want to stab myself in the eyes with my salad fork, I will call you back afterward - possibly from the emergency room.
- Closet Buffyholic

I swear, if I had a big sword, I'd probably be boarding Appeals even as we speak. (Readers may be reassured to know that I am, by unanimous vote, not allowed a big sword).
- clarrie

my computer had a hairball.
- Melly

They're making a video game of The Passion of the Christ....
...I for one look forward to the game. I'm assuming I get to smite Romans with my cool Jesus powers, such as walking on water and heat vision. Which sounds downright awesome.
...It turns out that there isn't going to be a Passion game, as that site is a joke. In order to discover this, I had to research long and hard, venturing into the deepest pits of the reader comments following the article.

That said, I have faith in my heart that one day I will get to play a Jesus First Person Shooter.
- Sam

I miss ONE day of work, (due to a hangover), and as punishment - they've promoted me

TWICE

bastards....

How the fuck am I supposed to be able to surf the net and write my own software if I've gotta do actual work - and lots of it
bastards
- TMorel

I really would like to avoid getting any more cases to summarize that contain the phrase "had become contaminated with blood and bone particles." This is the second. Geez, people need to stop falling into heavy machine presses.
- Closet Buffyholic

Claris isn't at her computer?!!! that means she could be anywhere!!! She could be right outside my door waiting for the opportune moment to strike!!! *girlish scream of terror*!!!
- Mr. Whyt

I hurt my brain back there.
- Melly

Excuse me. My eyes rolled so much they popped out of my head and I must go retrieve them.
- amberlynne

Oh, make no mistake children, the fact that this math is “imaginary” doesn’t make it any less dangerous. Oh, no. Imaginary numbers are no less malevolent than regular numbers. Take my advice: just say no to imaginary numbers.
Closet Buffyholic

Yeah. the whole Saint-culling thing...when I've said in the past that the Papacy needs to update itself to adapt with today's society, I didn't think they'd decide to pickup the practice of pink slips for those about to retire so they could bring in entry level college graduates on a lower salary.
- Claris

I mean, I like the classes I teach, so I like talking about how they're constructed, and what the big picture is. But it's still kinda boring. Except this semester, when we said we'd give extra credit to anyone who smoked pot on the mall or took over the administration building or engaged in other acts of civil disobedience.
Sometimes I amazed this place actually gave me a job.
- jaan quiddam

Oh well, so much for abusing company systems in flagrant violation of rules.
- Anya

I'm a giant shmoopy nauseating blob. And now you all know it.
- Dao Jones

panic knows no governmental distinctions.
- shehawken

and also...nothing is more tacky than in Orlando where they have the "Holy Land Experience." I shit you not, Claris, there is a holy family petting zoo.
- Megdalen
I'm confused
Does that mean there is a zoo, and in one of the cages there is a family, who are holy... with a mom and a dad and a little baby and you can go along and pet them and feed them wine and fish through the cage bars?
If so, then that is really cool, and I want to emigrate.

- TMorel
ROFLMAO!!!!! I'm just reporting the stuff, I didn't name it. They also have a room with a scale model of Jerusalem in the time of Christ and there's a lecture where they point out the sites while you stand around the model-- "There's Golgotha, there's Herod's Palace..." Pretty interesting, right? So then the lecture-guy says, "And right here is the CHEESEMAKER'S VALLEY." So of course I bust a gut laughing, very loud as my laugh is wont to be, thinking that of course he is referring to the "blessed are the cheesemakers" bit from Monty Python's the Life of Brian. But when no one else laughed and all stared at me, I realized that the lecture-guy was serious-- there really *is* a Cheesemaker's valley, and woe to those who go to the Holy Land Experience with Monty Python Experience in their brain.
- Megdalen

kay, I did not mean to incite a bi-coastal Canadian drug-induced civil war.
- SarahNicole

And really, if I leave an incriminating word out, is there any doubt (knowing me) what word it is? Kill. Stab. Murder. Maim. Strangulate. Defenestrate. Take your pick, it's one of those.
- Anya
Eviscerate! Emasculate!
This is fun!

- Closet Buffyholic
Hee! I forgot those two words in my haste!
- Anya

Haven't you heard I'm an untrustworthy lying bitch? So, really it doesn't matter what you say to me, 'cause no one will believe me if I tell anyone you said it anyway! Rather gives a nice freedom to my remaining friends' conversation boundaries if you think about it.
- Claris

USE GLOVES WHEN TOUCHING A PARASITE THAT JUST BUSTED OUT OF A COW. USE GLOVES!!!
I may have issues.
- Sachiel

No, no, I'm thinking that sounds like pretty sound advice...
- shehawken

I now realise I am going to have to compile a list of dates and times of all their nuisances. Which is a nuisance. And petty. But, y'know, they shouldn't have started something with someone as childish and grudge-bearing as me.
- Rachie

Oh, well, that I understand. Anything related to Catholic guilt gets you a free pass.
- amberlynne

I mean, the movie was all right, but if I want to have overdramatic self-absorbed whining about things I don't care about, I can just go read certain people's livejournals.
- Anonymous

October 15, 2004