Our sad little lives, your comic relief.

Those ants that were bothering me?
Are now all over the ground floor of our house.
I am going out to buy some really strong poison in a minute.
And some even stronger vodka.

- Seska

Vodka? So, Seksa is going to get the ants drunk and then kill them? How? By getting them behind the wheels of their leetle ant cars and then letting them crash into each other on the road?
- Narrator

Narrator: But then could Seska be held liable for any damage caused because she served alcohol to ants to the point where they became inebriated and allowed them to drive from (or in) her home? and what about underaged ants?
Lots o potential liability there.

- Adri

Um, excuse me. My house has been infested. I am the victim here. Getting the ants drunk and then killing them is a matter of self-defence. Plus, they're eating my sugar. They must die.

Adri Represent me here, would you? ... Oh, you are. Thanks.

Narrator They don't need ant cars. Eventually they'll lose co-ordination and walk into walls, or get into brawls with each other. You know, the usual.

- Seska

Adri -- Oh absolutely. Seska has major dram shop liability exposure. Plus, if any of the ants, well, take advantage of the other, more inebriated ants ....
- Narrator

*Adri re-enters Camp in a suit with high heels and a brief case* *ahem*

Narrator: Upon closer examination of the case, my client, Seska, bears no liability for any potential after effects the ants may suffer from any alleged consumption of alcohol or poison in her abode. The ants were uninvited intruders illegally entering her home to steal from her. My client did not force the ants to consume anything nor did my client serve any consumables to the ants. Any consumption by the ants was done by the ants own free will. My client is therefore not responsible if they suffered ill effects from items stolen and consumed from my client's home.

- Adri

Adri -- Tut, tut. That argument does not work -- homeowners/renters cannot set up electric-shock devises or shotguns to automatically shoot intruders. Neither can Seska indiscriminately get a whole mess of ants drunk on vodka. At a minimum, she's going to need to start checking IDs. - Narrator

Adri, NarrAtor, Seskiea: Now probably isn't a great time to mention the Tony Martin case in the UK, whereupon a man was jailed for shooting dead a youth that broke into his farmhouse then?
- Rachie

Narrator: Your allegation that my client "indiscriminately [got] a whole mess of ants drunk on vodka" is incorrect. The vodka was purchased by my client with the intent that my client be the consumer of said vodka. Of course, my client's consumption would have been in a responsible, law abiding manner. If any of my client's vodka was consumed by the ants, then the ants stole said vodka and consumed it without the consent of my client. Further, it is entirely possible, given the pattern of behavior of these ants, that they stole and consumed alcohol from other places and that their drunken state was not the result of their illicit consumption of my client's alcohol but in fact some one else's alcohol. My client categorically denies setting up any device to automatically shoot ants with alcohol.

Rachie: Shhhh! *bap*
- Adri

Rachie Oh for goodness sake. These are ants.

Adri How much are you charging an hour, again??

Note to self. If you're going to take ibuprofen for the swelling and antihistimines for the allergy, you probably don't want to add vodka to the mix. Got that, self?

- Seska

Adri - -So, you are claiming that a bunch of ants somehow lifted up a whole bottle of vodka, tipped it over, unscrewed the top, and then poured it out? Pshaw!!
- Narrator

Narrator: My client has no knowledge of how the ants managed to consume the vodka. This is consistent with my client's statement that the ants illegally entered her home and that if the ants did consume my client's vodka then the ants stole said vodka. My client did not serve the subject vodka to the ants nor did she shoot the ants with an automatic device nor did she in any way force the ants to consume vodka.

ETA: Seska: The matter of my fees and expenses should be discussed in private so there will not be any witnesses to afford you more confidentiality. - Adri

Adri This is my house. Sometimes vodka is left around in... all sorts of places.
La la la not my fault

- Seska

bapbapbapbapbapbapbapbaps Seska *ahem* Seska, no offering more info than absolutely necessary and NEVER without checking with your law geek first!

Nothing to see here folks, move right along.

- Adri

AHA Adri - Your client undercuts your fibbing strategy!!
- Narrator

Narrator, Adri -
You almost make law sound fun - don't you wish all your cases were like this?

This isn't law! This is the antithesis of law!


Well, this morning the majority of the ants appear to be dead. Dead dead dead dead dead. Woo. Ha, lawgeeks - you're too late. :-P

I have a date today. He will not be told about the Case of Seska vs. The Ants.

- Seska

And then, by some wacky event, it all was my fault? I'm still not sure how...

I have read the latest quote list at nodignity.com and am so outraged I may begin boycotting the site!! (Also, I am spending too much time there, but that's another story.) Sure Seska's comment about feeding vodka to her ants was included, but where are the witty follow-up comments from me, Adri, et al? Nowhere to be seen! I was funny dammit!

Seska -- Claris pet.

- Narrator

You could sue.

- Cosmic Bob

Narrator Looks like I'm just funnier than you.
So not true, but how could I let that pass?

- Seska

Cosmic Bob -- O-o-o-o good idea: Intentional Infliction of Emotional Distress. (Punitive damages, ahoy!!!) But, I don't think Claris has any money to speak of. And it's all about the Benjamins, you know.
- Narrator

Narrator : Funny you should ask (shoulda known it'd be you lawyer-types causin' trouble.)
The update was uploaded last night, & you & yours made the witty comments after it had been finalized - however....I actually stated in my LiveJournal today:
Okay, I'm gonna go work now, if for no other reason than that the discussion in Camp on the legalities of giving ants vodka kinda weirds me. Although, I might have to record it for the Freaks section...

Careful what you wish for....*grin*
- Claris

Narrator : No, sadly, no monies to speak of. But I have a dog that's worth about $1200 (for some ungodly reason - I sure as hell didn't pay that much for her) She's a little hyper, but I'll let you keep her for a bit in trade, if you like - you can have Coco over & she & Zoey could have playdates in your house! It'd be great!
Don't you love how my evil abilities were able to hone right in on what would be a living nightmare? Oh yeah, there's a reason that I have minions with a rightful fear of me.

- Claris

Claris -- So, you actually refused to wait for my witty comments before you uploaded the update? Goober.
- Narrator

Narrator : Ya know, it's a good thing you don't actually exist, of I'd be forced to make a comment about how you're being difficult.
- Claris

Claris -- Well, at least I'm not in here claiming that "my my dog ate my homework uploading was premature."
- Narrator

Narrator : *snort* Hey, my upload wasn't premature - you just took too long to be witty. Not my fault.....Robyn used to have a song that described Bastion's e-mail turnaround which I think would be applicable here - "If I only had a response time..."*

*Which leads us to one of my favorite Robyn statments ever (or a paraphrase of it) - "I'm sure that Bastion's response will come in its usual timely manner - right after I have been crowned Empress of the World...."

- Claris

Claris -- I'm sticking by my story. You prematurely .... uploaded. Maybe there's some medicine for that. If so, Bob Dole is likely endorsing it.
- Narrator

Narrator : I don't think so. My upload has a considerable ability to endure as long as needed for my purposes...just 'cause you were lolly-gaggin' around with the witticisms isn't my fault - but speaking of medicine, as the webmaster at my company, I get all sorts of interesting offers for free prescription drugs that might help your issue - perhaps you'd like me to pass them on?
- Claris

Claris -- Seska posted on August 11 at 13:55. I posted 15:40. That's only like, 105 minutes later. If you can't keep your uploading ... up that long, your upload isn't giving you the endurance you seem to need. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
- Narrator

Whoa. Claris needs Viagra.
Mebbe Zoey has something to do with it. I hear she's a little rough on the privates.

- moppety

Narrator : My upload was up for a while before that - Seska's post was a quick add on at the culmination of the party. Just because you, erm, arrived late - well, hey, that's no my fault, now is it? Next time, show earlier, and you might enjoy the fun longer!

Besides Glass-House Lawyer - where's your upload? huh? No wonder you went from Photo Xander to Comic Book Xander - he went away to live with Xanderella.... I don't think you've been putting out lately at all....
This whole conversation just can't end well. I know this, and yet I still participate.

moppety :
Hey now - not mine. Zoey's only taken out one Bronzer male, and, well, he's really not around to make comments about it (unless my luck totally sucks ass today & he makes a rare appearance), so I see no reason to continue this slander of my poor animal. I'm gonna sic my lawyer on you.....no, my lawyer is not Narrator. But I'll bet I can recruit Closet B!

- Claris

Claris -- I arrived right on time. Also, if Xanderella took Photo Xander, he's probably unlatched the back door of her house computer and is running around the neighborhood internet by now.

Vanessa -- Since you mentioned Photo Xander, what exactly is he supposed to be doing in that avatar?

- Narrator

Narrator : Nah, he's not running away. Xanderella's got the big pleading eyes & the cop-convincing cleavage, remember?
Check out that alliteration, kids. I'm good. I'm damn good...

No no, Vanessa - I've got this one.
Narrator, in that picture, Xander is trapped by vines, because he was on time to fight the monster, but his backup was late. Want to guess who the backup that was late to the upload was supposed to be?
Yes, yes, indeed. Look at what your tardiness has brought the boy to!

- Claris

Claris -- Gee, I cannot image who was late to upload, since I was on time. Of course, you were early, so your avatar would have Xander in grade school. perv.
- Narrator

Narrator : psh. please. If anything, I was merely prepared for the challenge when it arose, unlike you, who couldn't think of any fun diversions until I had already completed the task.
And I'm not a perv. I'm the same age as Xander, in truth, which means that I'm not a perv, you're a cradle-robber. ha!

Why do I get the feeling that everyone else is just sitting back to watch the "Claris & Narrator Show", & that's why we're the only ones posting.....

- Claris

From there it just went to a bad place involving a vat of mud & Jell-O wrestling, so I'm stopping now...

~ August 11- 13, 2003
Yes, we indeed managed to stretch this out over three days...

~ Madness of the Past....